I’m not necessarily talking about financially, that is another subject for another post. I’m talking about things that make you feel uncomfortable, or scared, or anxious, or any other feelings you don’t like.
I can think of many scenarios where parents may put themselves in a situation they aren’t comfortable with, but they do it anyway because it’s something their child is very excited about or passionate about or just really wants to try. Some things that come to the top of my head right away are:
Traveling in an airplane
Concert or sports arena that is completely packed with people
Swimming in the deep end of a pool
Really, it could be anything. As adults we all still have our own fears or people or places or activities that make us just plain uncomfortable. Just because we have children, doesn’t mean we are fearless.
In my situation it’s actually church. I did not grow up in a church going family, but my parents did have me baptized Catholic as a baby. When I got married (the first time) I agreed to raise our children catholic when we had them. My ex-husband is Catholic and he and his family went to church pretty regularly and he had done his first communion as a kid and was confirmed as a teenager. I believe that this is now the 3rd year my girls have been enrolled in Sunday school, and they like going, and they believe in what they are learning. Not that they know there is anything different anyway. My older daughter had her first communion this past April which she was very excited about. 99% of her excitement was for the dress and shoes, and the 1% was because she got to be in line with the adults now and take the bread.
So getting back to the point here, I have no issue taking the girls and picking them up from Sunday School on the weekends that I have them, nor do I have an issue with them going. Church/Mass though gives me MAJOR anxiety. I have my reasons which I don’t feel need to be explained here, but my oldest daughter asked if we were staying for mass after Sunday school today. When I told her no she whined, “Awe but I want to stay” So I asked her why because honestly I was surprised, and because instantly my chest started hurting. Her reason was because she likes to get the bread. I just said, “No baby not today.” and she was fine with that answer. Her step-sisters were not staying with their mom either so I suppose that made it less of a big deal too.
Knowing that being in church and sitting through a mass gives me the worst anxiety and panic, I honestly feel it’s not fair to have the 3 of us sit there together. I think it’s better for me not to be the one to take them to mass, and that they can go with their dad who wants to be there and take them. Again I will say, I have no issues with them going to Sunday school and church, but I cannot do mass.
I can’t help but wonder though, am I just being too selfish? Where’s the line between biting the bullet and doing it, and just not doing it? Whatever the “it” might be.