Where is the line drawn for the things you do for your children?

I’m not necessarily talking about financially, that is another subject for another post. I’m talking about things that make you feel uncomfortable, or scared, or anxious, or any other feelings you don’t like.

I can think of many scenarios where parents may put themselves in a situation they aren’t comfortable with, but they do it anyway because it’s something their child is very excited about or passionate about or just really wants to try. Some things that come to the top of my head right away are:

Roller coasters

Traveling in an airplane

Concert or sports arena that is completely packed with people

Swimming in the deep end of a pool

Really, it could be anything. As adults we all still have our own fears or people or places or activities that make us just plain uncomfortable. Just because we have children, doesn’t mean we are fearless.

In my situation it’s actually church. I did not grow up in a church going family, but my parents did have me baptized Catholic as a baby. When I got married (the first time) I agreed to raise our children catholic when we had them. My ex-husband is Catholic and he and his family went to church pretty regularly and he had done his first communion as a kid and was confirmed as a teenager. I believe that this is now the 3rd year my girls have been enrolled in Sunday school, and they like going, and they believe in what they are learning. Not that they know there is anything different anyway. My older daughter had her first communion this past April which she was very excited about. 99% of her excitement was for the dress and shoes, and the 1% was because she got to be in line with the adults now and take the bread.

So getting back to the point here, I have no issue taking the girls and picking them up from Sunday School on the weekends that I have them, nor do I have an issue with them going. Church/Mass though gives me MAJOR anxiety. I have my reasons which I don’t feel need to be explained here, but my oldest daughter asked if we were staying for mass after Sunday school today. When I told her no she whined, “Awe but I want to stay” So I asked her why because honestly I was surprised, and because instantly my chest started hurting. Her reason was because she likes to get the bread. I just said, “No baby not today.” and she was fine with that answer. Her step-sisters were not staying with their mom either so I suppose that made it less of a big deal too.

Knowing that being in church and sitting through a mass gives me the worst anxiety and panic, I honestly feel it’s not fair to have the 3 of us sit there together. I think it’s better for me not to be the one to take them to mass, and that they can go with their dad who wants to be there and take them. Again I will say, I have no issues with them going to Sunday school and church, but I cannot do mass.

I can’t help but wonder though, am I just being too selfish? Where’s the line between biting the bullet and doing it, and just not doing it? Whatever the “it” might be.

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To those who don’t understand, and refuse to try…

… I’d like to give you the largest FUCK YOU!

smoke-alarm-smokeout-of-ears

Photo Credit: https://sherrieeldridgeadoption.blog/2017/06/10/the-game-changer-for-my-attachment-disorder/

It’s one thing when a person who hasn’t experienced anxiety (or depression or ANY mental illness) and doesn’t understand it, questions your behavior, but is willing to listen, learn and work with you.

It is QUITE another, when someone THINKS they know what you’re experiencing, or even better thinks you’re simply overreacting, or you’re a slacker, or you’re too shy, or too nice, or have no confidence. The one that takes the cake for me though, is incompetent. I can just FEEL the steam coming out of my ears right now.

I just cannot understand how a person can possibly think that they know everything, and that because they are “the boss”, they know how to manage people and get them to do what they want. I ESPECIALLY cannot understand how anyone could think it was okay to bully someone to try and get them to be “better”.  Come on now, really, a public school elementary principal, who pushes for inclusion and differentiation for students, expects all her teachers to be all exactly the same, picture perfect people. It makes me want to vomit!

I HATE HATE HATE when people think they can talk to you like they are disciplining a child, or like they think they can just snap you out of whatever your feeling.  Saying things like:

“Oh stop, you’ll be fine.”

“You’re acting like a baby.”

“You’re a little girl inside a big girl’s body.”

“Just don’t think about it.”

“Why are you so lazy?”

“Just get up and do it.”

If you can’t even take 5 seconds to ask me what I need if you see I’m in distress, rather than bark at me what it is YOU think I need, then just stay the fuck away from me. I do not need people like that in my life, nor do I want them.

CLEARLY… this is a quality in people, or attitude that some people have, (whatever you want to call it)  that bugs the HELL out of me! You may or may not know why a person is acting the way they are, but frankly it’s none of your damn business unless I choose to make it your business. If you feel the need to try and help, don’t be a douche bag and bark out orders, or “tough love” as some like to call it.

Here’s a genius idea! How about you ask if there’s anything I need, or if you can help me in any way. THEN, try actually LISTENING to what I have to say. Asking instead of telling is the first step, but listening and following through is the 2nd. Just because you ask me how I’m feeling or if I need anything, doesn’t then give you the go ahead to be a dick.

Please people, I beg of you, don’t go around thinking you know everything. If you come across someone who displays behaviors that you don’t understand, DON’T try to take it upon yourself to “fix” them. If you want to help, ask questions, listen, do your research, and above all, BE KIND!

***I’d like to say, I know this post is less than kind, so I kind of contradict myself in the end, but I was feeling the need to vent about this today. Thanks for reading!!!

Black and White Photo Challenge Day 7

Thank you again Artyplantsman for the rules:

“Seven days. Seven black and white photos of your life. No people. No explanation. Challenge someone new each day”.

I want to point out that if I challenge you there is absolutely no obligation to take part. Also – if I don’t directly challenge you but you want to have a go at this then please do! One piece of advice I would give you is accumulate seven pictures before you start and use ‘Schedule’ to set up posts in advance in case life gets in the way and you miss a day…

For my last nominee, I would like to nominate ….

http://beckiesmentalmess.blog/2017/11/17/november-17-2017-tgif-finally/

Dear Diary: Anxiety is Really Hard

This is a great post about anxiety and I have to reblog it because I feel like it could have come right out of my own head!

The Laughing Blonde

I was a freshman in college when I had my first anxiety attack.

I had no idea what was going on, which is pretty surprising, since my mom had struggled with anxiety and depressions when I was in high school, so I would’ve thought I’d be able to recognize what was happening. I remember sitting in my bed, watching something on Netflix and then all of a sudden, feeling a combination of nausea and having a hard time breathing. All of these panicky thoughts started flooding my head, and I immediately started crying. It’s hard to describe, but I know that many of you will recognize the feeling of your body freaking out and the additional panic you feel when you have no idea where it came from or why it’s happening.

I called my mom and, looking back on it, probably gave her a heart attack. I was sobbing…

View original post 1,493 more words

Black and White Photo Challenge Day 6

Thank you again Artyplantsman for the rules:

“Seven days. Seven black and white photos of your life. No people. No explanation. Challenge someone new each day”.

I want to point out that if I challenge you there is absolutely no obligation to take part. Also – if I don’t directly challenge you but you want to have a go at this then please do! One piece of advice I would give you is accumulate seven pictures before you start and use ‘Schedule’ to set up posts in advance in case life gets in the way and you miss a day…

Today I would like to nominate crazywriterof6 !

https://crazywriterof6.wordpress.com/2017/11/07/everyone-just-wants-to-be-liked-and-accepted-except-for-tim/

Black and White Photo Challenge Day 5

Thank you again Artyplantsman for the rules:

“Seven days. Seven black and white photos of your life. No people. No explanation. Challenge someone new each day”.

I want to point out that if I challenge you there is absolutely no obligation to take part. Also – if I don’t directly challenge you but you want to have a go at this then please do! One piece of advice I would give you is accumulate seven pictures before you start and use ‘Schedule’ to set up posts in advance in case life gets in the way and you miss a day…

Today I would like to nominate:

https://stronglotusyogi.com/2017/10/31/mood-shifts-and-dark-clouds/

Black and White Photo Challenge Day 4

Thank you again Artyplantsman for the rules:

“Seven days. Seven black and white photos of your life. No people. No explanation. Challenge someone new each day”.

I want to point out that if I challenge you there is absolutely no obligation to take part. Also – if I don’t directly challenge you but you want to have a go at this then please do! One piece of advice I would give you is accumulate seven pictures before you start and use ‘Schedule’ to set up posts in advance in case life gets in the way and you miss a day…

Id like to nominate https://yarnandpencil.wordpress.com/2017/10/07/yesterday/

Black and White Photo Challenge Day 3!

Thank you again Artyplantsman for the rules:

“Seven days. Seven black and white photos of your life. No people. No explanation. Challenge someone new each day”.

I want to point out that if I challenge you there is absolutely no obligation to take part. Also – if I don’t directly challenge you but you want to have a go at this then please do! One piece of advice I would give you is accumulate seven pictures before you start and use ‘Schedule’ to set up posts in advance in case life gets in the way and you miss a day…

I’d like to nominate Edgar Skye!

http://jamesedgarskye.com/2017/11/11/when-my-creativity-and-depression-collide/

Black and White Photo Challenge – Day 2

Rules: (Compliments of Artyplantsman )

“Seven days. Seven black and white photos of your life. No people. No explanation.

Challenge someone new each day”.

I want to point out that if I challenge you there is absolutely no obligation to take part.

Also – if I don’t directly challenge you but you want to have a go at this then please do! One piece of advice I would give you is accumulate seven pictures before you start and use ‘Schedule’ to set up posts in advance in case life gets in the way and you miss a day…